Happy Un-birthday to Me!

On August 25, 2018, I was fighting for my life having suffered the first of two SCADs that morning.

It's true my life was irrevocably changed that day and I have to live within the limitations of my damaged heart. I've had other health issues since then that have taxed me physically and emotionally. And some days, and many dark nights since then have been a struggle.

Lately I've begun to describe this as the day I was remade. And I have to admit there has been a sparkling silver lining to that storm cloud.  

I live more simply now, and my daily pace is slower. I am more aware of everything around me - the way the air smells, what the plants and trees in my garden are doing, the chattering of birds, even the way the light shines in through my windows in the dead of winter.  

I relish the precious daily rituals of my life - like morning coffee with Jenn and Squeaks - and am in no hurry to move on to whatever is next in my day. 

I've learned that my value to those I love is truly intrinsic to who I am, not what I can do. I understood this prior to, but now I truly feel it like never before.  

I have let go of masks and am more childlike in my approach to life than I've been in years.  

And I'm slowly letting go of objects and habits that I no longer need, and no longer feel I must grasp out of fear.  

In short, I'm happier now then at any other point in my life. And I honestly don't know if I would have slowed down long enough to get here without my health crisis.  I am grateful to the many people who helped ensure that I made it to today. Big shout out to the staff at the Dr. Walter Templeman Health Centre, the cardiac team at the Health Sciences Centre, the nursing staff in ICU and cardiac care, the Congestive Heart Failure Clinic, community health nurses.  

And of course to my amazing family who've walked with me on this crazy path to today.  

Happy Un-birthday to me!